Monday, April 3, 2017

SOUL SONG PLAYLIST


Like any true Sagittarius, I'm always on an endless quest for the deeper meaning to life. But lately I've been more focused on simpler things, like what do I want and what do I feel. I think it's really easy for us all to get tangled up in the wants and thoughts of others. When I was little I was ostracized by the other girls because I didn't believe in the same things, or play the same way they did. When I would befriend the boys it would only cause more jealousy and tension from my female counter parts. I would cry to my mother and she would be shocked by the way I was being treated at school. She would only hear nice things about me from what the other little girls were telling their mothers. How could they be so far off? This was the first lesson I learned on the importance of staying true to your soul.  The ego is not honest.  The way people treat others does not always parallel what they think of them.   People carry so many complexes, I could never be bothered to take them on as my own at that age when I could barely comprehend my own.


 As a teenager, I feel I doubled as a street corner counselor.  It always worried my mother when I would bring home interesting characters with such obvious problems like they were stray cats. These were the people I felt understood me best. While I don't think they needed me, I always wanted to help them. I loved these friends like family, but the issue with people who rely on you for energy is that they attach themselves to you like tubes in your chest. The second lesson I needed to learn was separating myself from the problems of others. How necessary it was to cut these cords and not deplete myself entirely.  I think people can play a very important role in your life, but that purpose may only serve you for a period of time.  Letting go is hard for me, especially when it comes to people. I decided that in order for me to live a healthy life I needed to rid myself of all the traces of my past self. Just seeing the posts of people who had been so detached from my life on social media was numbing me to the reality that I was living a life altered by the opinions of others. My 8 year old self would cringe at me now if she could see how submissive I've become. I used to be a warrior.


 I think that the older we get the more material driven we become. The world transforms into a game of who has what and how much, but what I needed was less. The real problem is that everywhere we look someone is trying to convince you to buy something, as if air wasn't free. I thrive in a simple, natural environment. That applies to everything in my life from food and friends to living space and music. Mainstream media does not abide be these standards. At the risk of sounding pretentious, I can do better than one size fits all. Along with deleting hundreds of irrelevant relationships from my social media, I detoxed my music and television. Even the clothing I wear now is less ignorant.  There has been so much hostility on every platform of our existence with the social and political crisis we are currently in that it makes me physically ill to think about. I don't need an hourly reminder every time I unlock my phone.


Staying positive and confident about who I am, what I believe in and what I think I might believe in has never been easy. I think we should all put a little more thought into what we want and less of what is expected. I decided the best way to find myself again was through my playlists. Music has always helped my soul sing out the feeling I didn't know I had. For too long I had exclusively been listing to the music that others chose and I didn't realize how cold that made me. Finding obscure music is a small passion of mine, which is why I love Soundcloud so much. I secretly fantasize about being a DJ in the UK underground party scene. While that may be a little far fetched I can always count on my shuffle to take me someplace better. I compiled a little song list from the heart for you all to enjoy. I hope that if anything it will help you feel a bit inspired. Thanks for reading!

X,
M

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

HEALING MAGIC OF THE RANCH


PHOTOS

COLLABORATOR



I’m never shocked by how high and low the capacity of my happiness can be. It's so clique to get kicked while you're down, but that’s the way it always seems to go for me. Whether it’s overdraft fees or car accidents, my incidences always happen in pairs, and currently clusters.

Last week I had surgery on an abscess caused by Crohn’s disease, which they then sewed open so it could heal from the inside out. The professionals told me that full recovery would take months, forcing me to defer from my current classes, pack up and move back home with my parents for the time being. The ironic bit is that I recently crossed paths with a boy I graduated with who also had emergency surgery and was in a similar situation. When I inquired him about his injury he said, “yah, it’s been a journey.” Naturally my entitled self clung to the first thing I could find wrong with this seemingly perfect boy, whom I had assumed was nothing shy of privileged. And, in my jealous head all I could think of was what I wouldn’t give to heal and stay healthy, or how could you call a small tiff like a broken bone a journey? Of course verbalizing all of these gross opinions set my cosmic karma off on its own well deserved “journey.” 

I’ve never had so many people examine at my asshole in the course of one month. Never mind the fact that I been horizontal so long that I’ve developed a lump in my back. I’ve never experienced a painful drawn out recover such as this, and I thought I knew pain. Turns out there are many different kinds of pain. The overmedicating, stinging stitches, back aches, and stomach cramps are almost bearable, but I can’t stand the places my brain has gone in the past few weeks. 

I went kicking and screaming into this situation, sometimes literally. People tell me how strong I am, but they don't know that I have woken up a whole hospital floor wailing. I feel like people only notice my strength when I'm at my weakest. Sometimes I’m not strong by choice. It takes a lot of very loving people to keep me from self-destructing, and for that I thank you. I really do appreciate all the support on social media, the people who visited me in the hospital and my family for being my everything. Being alone in this would be unthinkable.


A lot of mistakes have lead to my downfall and I don't want anyone to think that I am undeserving of the seeds that I've sewn. While it is unfortunate that I have Crohn's disease I know that it was not caused by bad luck. It has roots in my repressed childhood trauma. This is no one's fault but my own. I have always held myself to a standard that is was impossible to achieve. I let the expectations of others supersede the the things that I love to do. There is a balance that I have yet to achieve.  I was addicted to work and obsessed with getting away from the only place I have ever called home. And that is how I became condemned to the exact place I once loathed.  

Being an adult and living with your adult parents is like a trip down the rabbit hole. That in itself has relieved the most comical aspects of my little journey. It has also unmasked some psychological battles I didn't know I was fighting. I've rediscovered the magic that once surrounded me as a child here on my parent's ranch. I've repositioned myself in a direction that balances pleasures and disciplinary tasks that better my future. And I did all of this from the comfort of my Great Grandmother's bathtub. While recovery sucks, it's monumental to finally have a chance to breathe. my journey hasn't quite come full circle but I intend to reach a whole new level of Super Saiyan all thanks to the support and patience I have been given these past few weeks.  

If anyone asks where I am just tell them, Maddi its safe and sound at the hometown reading motivational books, taking too many baths and binge watching ViceLand from her parents bed. 

Special thanks to Tricky Hair for the 3D Mink Eyelashes

XO,
M



Monday, February 6, 2017

THE MEAN REDS // STYLEWE

PHOTOS

COLLABORATOR


A tale as old as time, true as it can be, I feel off the wagon again. I feel like the bubblegum version of 
Jekyll & Hyde. Sometimes I'm colorful and sweet and other times I'm crusty and faded. My current status is somewhere in between 'freshly scraped off a park bench' and 'stuck to the bottom of Paris Hiltons stiletto.' AT LEAST IM GOIN' PLACES. In all seriousness, my health has prevented me from doing a lot of things I constantly take for granted, which in turn has demotivated me from doing things I love like having a social life, blogging, modeling, photography, etc. In my constant endeavor to keep up with school in my condition, dare I waste any energy on things that actually fulfill me? At my pace I won't be healthy enough to do the things I have worked so hard to achieve and pursue in the future. So I'm about to get REAL negligent up in here. My professors can "anonymously" scold me in front of the class all they want, because my body should come before coursework. That's a lesson I have yet to beat into myself.


THINGS I'VE LEARNED ABOUT COLLEGE

1. You probably won't do what you studied in college for the rest of your life so start doing what you love now. Hell, chase your dreams.
2. C's get degrees, but good luck with that internship application.
3. Waste no time.
4. Don't work at minimum wage if you want to be able to be "independent," or do things like eat.
5. Most importantly, your peers are your biggest resource, choose them wisely.

In my absence from blogging in the last several months I've learned a lot about myself. Firstly, I need a creative outlet to be sane. Maybe I'm not that creative, doesn't matter; still need it. Without this world of introspective thoughts and emotions that I have vomited all over blogger, and the joy I get deep down knowing that someone has noticed it I turn into a very isolated person. I don't invite many people into my reality (without a minimum of five years experience and two letters of recommendation.)  When I shy away from the internet it is for the purpose of healing, but I never expected my life to become so washed out. I know that makes me sound like the Millennial who cried wolf, but as a content creator I am nothing without my network of friends. When everyone is off making magic and posting it online for me to see from my bed snuggled under a heating pad, I feel like an undeserving impostor.  I get sad and not like the blues, but the MEAN REDS if you can catch my drift. I've regained some energy and instead of doing a weeks worth of homework I have stacked up, I'm going to do something I should have done ages ago.


OUTFIT

CARDIGAN  //  STYLEWE
SKIRT  //  STYLEWE
TANK TOP  //  PACSUN
SUNGLASSES  //  EBAY


STYLEWE REVIEW

I sincerely apologies to Stylewe for the untimely review, but in no way was it personal. In fact I loved their clothing. The camel wool cardigan is slightly bat-winged and slouchy just how you would want your grandpa's old sweater to fit you. It only comes in one size but it was basically falling off me. The zip up mini skirt was by far my favorite out of the two pieces. The skirt is soft like puppy ears, I was so surprised! The only concerning thing about the skirt is that I received a size medium and it still fits fairly tight and puckers slightly. Stylewe has a great selection of very unique clothing from independent designers. I'm a huge fan of shopping internationally online for this reason. They have an average selection of styles, but countless head turners and classic silhouettes. Over all I believe they are one of the more contemporary retailers that I've collaborated with yet. 

Thanks for reading and putting up with my shit,
M


Thursday, December 8, 2016

THIS SEASON MAG // ALWAYS EXTRA

PHOTOS

FEATURE





My friends down at This Season Magazine did an article on my questionable closet choices. I know many of the people who create content for TS and I even live with their social media manager. They are all such dedicated students, the fact that they find the time to produce a magazine on the side amazes me. At this very moment we are all bubbling in finals. No matter what your major, I feel your stress and anxiety. While I would very much like to tell you that I value my college education I would only be lying to myself. I believe we are all here at this money sucking university for a reason and it's not the signed paper at the end. We are here to find those with common interests, network for the future, and potentially meet that one professor who changes you perspective on everything. Anyone who only came to college to drink their 20's away and find a practical career path is already behind. Creation, this is the meaning of college. Self discovery doesn't often happen in the class room. One internship does not qualify as "experience" in this job market. You have to go out and make these experiences happen and meet the people who will make them possible. There is always something more you could be doing. I'm swimming in ideas that I will never make time for, unless their worth it, but this conscious effort to do more and be more is what will set those who work apart from those who wander.  I have the most respect for my peers at This Season for this reason. I am so proud of their start up and I know all these students will prosper.  Don't let anyone tell you there is something wrong with being extra!   


Much love, TS. 

M



Wednesday, November 23, 2016

21 WAYS TO FOCUS ON YOUR UNIVERSAL SELF

PHOTOS

COLLABORATOR



OUTFIT

SWEATER  //  SHE IN
JEANS  //  UNIF
FISHNET TIGHTS  //  EBAY
O-RING COLLAR  //  EBAY
CREEPER PLATFORMS  //  T.U.K.
BACKPACK  //  TARGET


I am a turkey baby! Whether the holiday lands on my birthday or not, Thanksgiving seems to always consume my day. I am very grateful for my family and friends, but this year I'm taking back my birthday. No, working on my day. No more excuses for not celebrating, and no more pretending that pie is a substitute for a party. I'm to old for that shit and if no one wants to join I guess I'll just have to pop the champagne by myself.


Turning 21 presumably opens an amazing new world of adulthood. Although I don't feel that this coming of age will change me drastically, it will be nice to not be the only one in my circle who can't socialize after hours.  I have decided to sit back and embrace the crazy adventure that is 21. I want to be selfish and soak up all the love I can. I wish to give my friends something to look forward to that will bring us all closer together. And I'm ready to cash in all my 'Maddi in shining armor' points for a list of babysitters who will happily hold my hair back and drag my ass to bed when I get too drunk. There is something tempting about being a damsel in distress once in a while. In honor of my 21st birthday I have compiled  a list of ways to focus on you, because the first thing we should all be thankful for this year is existence and our universal self.


1. Treat your body with the respect before it's too late.

2. Never accept being treated less than you deserve by others. Know your worth.

3. Surround yourself with those who will positively impact your life and escalate your goals.

4. Wear what you want, when you want to. Crop top season is a myth.

5. Spread love and kindness to everyone, empathy is too scares these days.

6. Never take no for an answer. If you really want it you will find a way.

7. Create. Innovate. Progress.

8. Follow your dreams no matter how impossible.

9. Guide your peers and spread your knowledge.

10. Respect your elders. They have a wealth of experience to share.

11. Learn to lead. Never settle for the life of a sheep.

12. Find your own path and manifest what you need.

13. Never compare your grind to the highlight reel of others.

14. Fight for the rights of yourself and others, because we all matter.

15. Be exactly who you want, and accept what you cannot change.

16. See the world while you can, some things are more important than money.

17. Invest in your passions. Never fear the future.

18. Always trade up in all categories of life: relationships, jobs, goals, etc.

19.  Remember that everything is interconnected and cyclical.

20. Speak your mind and only hold your tongue at your own expense.

21. Embrace each day as you would a lifetime.

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

LAZY GIRL'S GUIDE TO FALL // LOOKBOOK

PHOTOS
MADDI MCFARLAND

MODEL
JORDAN PATT

ASSISTANTS
JINEO SAITO
REGINA KHOO















I know I'm not the only one abusing my right to athleisure. It's ever so tempting when the temperature starts to drop to give up on style.  I personally cannot live with hoodies and leggings everyday of the week. I felt it was appropriate to style a Fall Lookbook with some cozy alternatives to the same old activewear. Staples and strategic accessories are key for chilly weather. And if you are anything like me, boots are essential because who has time for laces. Remember to layer so you can always stay warm, but be prepared to shed throughout the day. Paired with the right jacket or cardigan you can make your summer apparel last all year long. I have found thrift stores to be a treasure trove of outerwear and sweaters with huge markdown prices from the original retail.  Comfort is important but feeling confident trumps all!  SOOOO, I hope you all have a fabulous Fall!

XO,
M


Thursday, September 29, 2016

DOWNTOWN GIRL

PHOTOS




OUTFIT


   It's official, I am now a city dweller. I moved where the people are, Downtown. I spend more time on my feet than in a car and there is never a quiet moment. I couldn't be happier about the quaint apartment I share with my friend and fellow classmate Neo, and I think my house plants rather enjoy the large windows, too. I'm hoping that living within such close proximity to people my age will force me to be less socially awkward, but that might be pushing it. So much has changed in such a short period of time that I don't know how my anxious little heart is still beating. Even with all the crazy transitions I have realized one thing, Stoop Kid never leaves her stoop, but that doesn't stop the stoop from evolving. No matter where I reside I've always found tranquility outdoors. Melancholy memories of my old views, freshly cut hay bails on the plains and the noisy corner of 33rd Street with a couple of barking dogs, keep me from fully embracing my new home. But the scene of the sunset from my balcony is breathtaking enough to ease my thoughts. At eye level with the horizon there are no tall buildings penetrating the pink and violet gradients that frame the occasional cloud.  Surely someday I will have the privilege to look out onto sky scrapers and miss this view from the 4th floor. 



Thursday, September 1, 2016

SURVIVING SEPTEMBER // MERCURY IN RETROGRADE

PHOTOS
BAILEY ERNST

COLLABORATOR
BE YOURSELF BOUTIQUE


Shit got real. Here I am minding my own business when Mercury came along and butted into my life.  There is always something to be grateful for but that's not going to stop me from slumping in my room for the next three weeks. The planet Mercury is now retrograde in Virgo. This event causes Mercury to appear like it is moving in reverse in relation to Earth and the Sun. Beginning on August 30th, the retrograde will not end until September 22nd.  I am not an astrologist but like most romantics I do revere the zodiac. 

September is going to suck for this Sag. I've already been experiencing enough technological trails as is, this is really the last thing I needed. Tuesday the 30th I started my morning off strong with a cup of coffee and my new laptop ready to edit a mountain of photos, only to find that they had all mysteriously disappeared.  This seems to be the most reoccurring problem in my life but usually there is an explanation; a friend borrowing my SD card, breaking my laptop, etc.  NOPE. I would have been able to emotional handle the situation had my five-dollar coffee not tasted like asphalt. I am fully aware that the universe is teaching me lessons the hard way, but why always hit me where it hurts most? Right in the caffeine addiction! 

At this point I had realized that I needed mega spiritual guidance for today's solar eclipse and the upcoming lunar eclipse on the 16th of September. I know I'm not the only sign who will be struggling the next three weeks so I have decided to compile a list of practices that I will be following religiously until this energy shift all blows over. I hope that they can also help you!

1. GO WITH THE FLOW!

This is not the time to be making any important or life changing decisions. This includes starting big projects, new careers, new relationships, signing contracts, and making large purchases especially on electronics. Communication at this time is problematic and others opinions are subject to change after the retrograde. You may be experiencing self-doubt, so just feel it out and take it easy. 

2. TAKE CARE OF YOUR MIND, BODY, AND SOUL.

This is very important, because you and everyone around you are under great stress due to each person’s personal development. Take good care of your hygiene and eat a balanced diet. Pamper yourself! I know I have been in need of a fresh hair style for quite some time. Whatever it is that makes you feel fresh, whether it be a mud mask or a pedicure, this is your opportunity to treat yourself. 

3. GET YOUR LIFE TOGETHER. 

Spend some time alone so you can reflect on your Summer joys and prepare for Fall. For me this means organizing my home and donating some things that no longer serve a purpose in my life. I have just moved into an apartment and the retrograde couldn't have fallen on a more cluttered and chaotic transition.  Finding Feng Shui in your home is essential and the best way to do that is simply by cleaning. It sounds like a chore now, but you will feel so relaxed when everything is in order. 

4. BEWARE OF PROMISES.

The truth will all be revealed after the retrograde and thus a new chapter will be set in place. But for now everything is in such rapid change that predicting where any given person will be is basically impossible. You will most likely be given misleading information by others. For this reason you should also avoid promises, verbal agreements, and relying on the word of others. These people might not be trying to deceive you, they are also in their own position of change and may be unable to keep their promise. 

5. STUDY YOUR SUN SIGN.

Since we are all so different it is unrealistic for me to tell you what lies ahead. I have faith that you will be able to survive this September and come out a bolder and brighter person. Astrological events can be vexing, but they serve a valuable purpose in our own self-actualization. When the mist clears from our eyes our relationships, entrepreneurial efforts, intentions, purpose, and hidden truths will become transparent. It is also important to work diligently during this retrograde so you can soon be rewarded. I recommend you read more in-depth about your zodiac sign, so you can prepare for the weeks ahead. I wish you all the best and hope you prosper this September!

XO,
M




Wednesday, August 3, 2016

SKINNY DIPPING

PHOTOS
MADDI MCFARLAND

COLLABORATOR








I chose this dress for midnight strolls on the beach, and summer love affairs.  I became the cover of a romance novel in this drawstring wrap dress.  Below are retrieved photos from a drunken night with one of my greatest friends, Bailey. Neither of us had ever been skinny dipping before, so it seemed we needed each other in order to document bucket list activities.  Thanks to SheIn I now have evidence of mermaids. 

Please click the link below and check out SheIn, they really are very affordable and have so many different styles. Promise it will be worth your time because it was well worth mine. 

Stay positive,
M


Thursday, July 28, 2016

HOW TO MAKE THEM STARE // DEZZAL

PHOTOS

COLLABORATOR





I had the privilege of working with DEZZAL recently. To be honest, I already had a dress addiction and they are not helping! Thank you for feeding into my bad habits. XO

In this post you will see the two dresses they sent me, one designed by AZURE SHEN and the other by AFONDI. It was extremely hard to choose, their selection is SO my style it hurts.  They have everything from 'the clothes you wear to the family reunion' to 'DAMN!!!THAT FIT FIRE!' I went with the only approach I know, practicality and eccentricity....

The silk printed sun dress by AFONDI is my new go-to during the brutal summer heat waves.  Every time I wear it out I am guaranteed a compliment on my dress. Hands down.  I love the childish scribbles, its light-hearted and grungy all in the same respect.

OUTFIT 

PRINTED DRESS  //  AFONDI
WHITE FLOUNCE DRESS  //  AZURE SHEN

It wouldn't be a Maddi haul without something ridiculously inappropriate for the weather.  This second outfit by AZURE SHEN is made of 100% polyester.  It is a U-neck dress and flounce top combo.  I feel like a spectacle in this outfit, people WILL stare.  The cutouts are slightly itchy, but we all must make sacrifices for fashion.  DEZZAL happens to be the best shop I have collaborated with thus far, and I would never forgive you if you didn't check them out.  Although, I will always love you for reading.  CLICK ON THE LINKS BELOW!!!

XO,
M